my surgery and the beginning of recuperation

Well, the women I’ve talked to who have had breast reconstruction surgery after a mastectomy have all said that this surgery is hard (no matter which kind they’ve had, they’ve said that), but worth it in the end.

They’re right about the hard part, and I’m sure they’re right about the worth it part too. Of the surgeries that I’ve had in my life — impacted wisdom teeth removal, carpal tunnel surgery, gall bladder removal, and the modified radical mastectomy of my left breast — this has been by far the most painful I’ve had. It took three hours, and though there are two surgery sites — back and chest — the back has hurt much much worse than the front has. In fact, today is the first time that I don’t feel like someone fileted my back . . . and yes, that’s with the pain medication.

But I know the end results will be worth it. We’re not done yet, of course. There will be a second surgery in about eight weeks to try to match the right breast to the left, and possibly (probably, I think) a third surgery for a small implant in the left breast to further match the two breasts. Both of those surgeries will be much easier than what I’ve just been through . . . and I’m pretty good with pain tolerance!

I just keep thinking of The End Results, “The Finish Line,” as it were. These surgeries are no magic bullet, as a friend and I were discussing, to feeling “All Better,” but as a woman who’s felt self-conscious about wearing a prosthesis for a year, I know I’ll be glad to not have to wear it, to not worry about it being in place, etc. Physically, at least, I won’t have to worry about matching, about the prosthesis moving around, about feeling it all the time and thereby being reminded of my cancer history All. The. Time. (as if I need a reminder!).

I’m just glad the hard part is over, believe me. My only job right now is to rest and recover from this surgery . . . .