she said as she turned when we said our goodbyes, me leaving the office.
“WHAT?!,” I wanted to say, “I’M amazing?! What about you? You’re this national/world renowned psychiatrist, so smart, so wise. Me? I’m just learning from you!”
Instead, I was so taken aback, I just muttered a “thank you,” then made arrangements with the office staff for our next visit.
This post has been in my head for a long time but I wasn’t sure how to write it, if I could write it, if I could do it justice, but Margie’s beautiful J-Day post, Spirit has inspired me to try.
I’m talking about my last visit with my psychiatrist, Dr. Cool Indian Lady. She talked to me about how I was doing, about quality of life throughout this whole ordeal and how she could help from her side, from the psychiatric side. Then she asked me, “is there anything good that’s come from this?”
I said that there actually was, but talking about it always made me cry, and I started telling her:
I now know how many people love me. It’s just amazing, the love I feel these days.
and I talked about that a little more, tears streaming down my face, tears of pure emotion, of joy, of feeling overwhelmed with love.
Dr. CIL, who is Hindu, talked to me about her beliefs, that we are reincarnated and with each life we try to get closer to God. She told me that I must have done a good job in my last life for so many people to love me. I think I’m getting this right, but this is where I’m not sure I’m doing it justice. I loved listening to her talk, tell me of her beliefs. My best friend growing up was Hindu and I used to be fascinated to hear about the Hindu religion.
Then we talked a bit about how having an illness like cancer puts things into perspective and I told her about my conversation with Frank about not wanting to go to Europe just for the sake of going to Europe because I want to focus on the people and places that are important to us, not things like buildings and cathedrals. She smiled at me when I was saying this, and it was shortly afterwards when she said the “you’re amazing” comment which really threw me.
You see, I look up to Dr. CIL. I’ve said to my therapist that every time I see Dr. CIL I just think that she’s really smart and wise and I can learn so much from her. And she is very spiritual. This past session, she asked me about how I was dealing with things and the first things she mentioned were faith and family. She was glad that I was leaning on my faith and my family and friends. During one of the previous appointments, she told me that she was praying for me and her mother in India was also praying for me. I was so incredibly touched.
And Margie’s right. I ask for prayers, and I ask for good thoughts, or whatever makes people comfortable, from whatever religious or non-religious background you may have. I’m a Christian, but I see beauty in many religions. Not everyone in my church would agree with me, but then, I’m not everyone in my church. I’m my own person. I have a faith that is getting stronger by the day because of what I’m going through and God is being good and faithful to me. It’s not always easy, believe me, but I’m getting there.
Thank you, Margie, for that beautiful and inspirational post and for the reminder for all of us to be open in our dealings with those of different religious backgrounds.
In closing, I’ll share what’s become one of my favorite scripture verses which I think people of various religions can appreciate. It’s a reminder that I so often need, to focus on the good things and not focus on negative things. So true, and such a difference it can make.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:7-9
Tags: Cancer
I’m so glad you have such good support from people who recognize that.
