I’m anxious. I can tell I’m anxious because I downed a good part of the box of Wheat Thins (who cares if they’re the Reduced Fat kind) last night and started going to town on the almonds this morning before I stopped myself. Yes, I’ve always been a stress eater.
I’m anxious because next Monday, May 5, is the CT scan of my chest and abdomen that will show how much the tumor in my left breast and the two tumors in my liver have shrunk. But then, we don’t see the oncologist until the following Tuesday, May 13. I figure that’s when we’ll talk about the results because that’s just how things go in the world of medicine. I’ve figured out at least that much during my Journey Through Cancer. *cue the music*
I was thinking about that this morning and wondering why, when I saw the dates on the schedule card that I was given however-many-weeks ago, I didn’t just go all Diva-like, snap my fingers, and say:
That doesn’t work for me.
Of course, I would have had to explain what the heck I was talking about, what didn’t work for me, but I’m trying to imagine myself taking on some diva attitude — which isn’t easy when you’re wearing sorta yoga-like pants and some t-shirt with a snarky saying on it, with your husband who is carrying a ridiculously large bag with all of your junk in it because you describe yourself as being “high maintenance” and might need your personal DVD player, DVDs, books, cell phone, etc. etc.
And the scarf covering the hair-growing-out head. And I’m sure I had no make-up on because that was before the eyelashes and eyebrows fell out and I just didn’t typically put make-up on just to get poison injected into my veins. So pulling a Diva act would have been stretching it. BUT STILL!!! Where’s my inner Jennifer Lopez when I need her?
Finger snap! Head raised high, chin up, not even looking at the receptionist. AT-TI-TUDE!
THAT. DOESN’T. WORK. FOR. ME. I’ll need to talk with the oncologist the next day. Since my usual day for treatment is Tuesday, she should have the results by then, so we’ll just talk to her then, thanksomuchbye.
Yeah, right.
My nickname at this place is Giggles, for goodness’ sakes. They’d probably laugh in my face if I tried something like that.
But don’t you sometimes just want to try? And have it work?
It’s going to be a tough few weeks for me.
Anxious.
Waiting.
Anxiously waiting.
