I live in four-week cycles. Not the four-week cycles of menstruating women; I haven’t have a period since the beginning of chemotherapy. In fact, I need to ask my oncologist about that the next time we see her. I’m quite sure that’s an effect of chemotherapy and it’s really not a big issue for me; I just want to know what to expect.
I digress, once again. My four-week cycles are of another kind, a kind that tells me how I’ll be feeling physically. Since we can’t divide physically with emotionally with this Judy person, they often explain the increase in tears and depression in some weeks.
It goes like this: I have three types of chemicals that are injected into me. For those “in the know,” the chemicals are taxol, carboplatin, and herceptin. For three weeks, I receive all three chemicals. During those weeks, the entire process of going into the office, getting a needle prick in my finger to check all kinds of blood levels (these will tell if I’m anemic which I haven’t been so far — as well as tell other important things), and going into the Chemo Room to get my doses of chemotherapy, takes approximately 3 1/2 to 4 hours. The fourth week, I receive only herceptin. That’s my “easy” week, and that only takes about 45 minutes — the actual IV of herceptin only takes 1/2 hour.
The next week we start over again with Week One. Week One I see the oncologist. She checks to see how things are going. We talk about side effects — do I have nausea, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue (YES!), etc. What other side effects? I ask her about the weight gain — contrary to many chemotherapy regimens, on this regimen, weight gain is a typical side effect due to steroids being part of the treatment. She gives me a physical examination to see how she thinks my breast looks and if she can tell by look and feel if the tumor has shrunk.
Then I go in for my chemotherapy, and we start the four-week cycle all over again. The weeks are cumulative, meaning that the side effects get worse as we go from week one to week two to week three of the cycle. With each week, I feel worse — nausea-wise, fatigue-wise, and every side-effect-wise. Sometimes just keeping that in mind helps me realize that I’m not really going crazy; it’s just that it’s Week 3 and I’m bound to feel out-of-sorts, weepy, extra-fatigued, more nauseated than usual, and it will eventually pass. The dark thoughts are at their all-time high during Week Three too, and I can’t stand my own thoughts. These days I haven’t wanted to share them with others either.
I’m in Week Three right now. I’m having a hard time. It will pass. It. Will. Pass. Come Tues., I’ll have my “easy day” of just a dose of herceptin, in and out of the Chemo Room, and a relatively easy week side effects-wise.
Then we’ll start the Four-Week Cycle all over again.
