Well. It seems my situation has enabled me to make a big LIGHT-BULB connection.
Let me explain.
Inevitably, when I write something about Nice People asking me how I’m doing and me wanting to say something like:
Well, I suck! Thanks a whole hellofalot for asking!
or I’ll say that I won’t even answer them, but I’ll just sneer, growl, and put my flat hand to their forehead and knock them over onto their asses. Every single time I write out a scenario like those two, someone will take me to task and say something parental like:
Now, now, Judy, those people are really just showing their concern. Can’t you possibly see that and just say something like “I’m fine, thank you,” and smile nicely rather than venting your rather huge venimous spleen all over them?
which, ahem, is actually exactly what I do. I smile and say something like, “I’m OK, just tired. Thanks for asking.” Or “I’m fine, thanks,” and smile.
You see, the thing is, my mind knows exactly what reality is. But my emotions from having this cancer are so huge that yes, they are often directed at the wrong people, but trust me, I don’t live out the utterly inappropriate things that I write about on here like telling people off when they say very nice things to me. Not to toot my own horn (but well, I’m going to toot my own horn so I don’t know why I said “not to toot my own horn”), but I’m a well-liked person where I work and most places I go. I’m a pretty outgoing, friendly person. I’m humorous. I talk to everyone and I’m polite to everyone. There isn’t anyone I won’t talk to. The utter bullocks fantasies at the top of the page are something so completely out of the realm of my reality that it makes me do a head-shake and an “Are you serious?” every time I get that kind of “NowNow” reaction from someone, but then I realize many people don’t know me In Real Life.
So I’ll have to admit that my initial reaction is to get a bit irked at what I think of are the “NowNow” reactions to my simple venting online. And let’s face it, I’m not seriously angry at those people who ask me how I’m doing. I’m angry at the cancer, but I’m directing the anger at all kinds of places — at my body, at the first surgeon who will probably never be forgiven for his utter lack of tact and bedside manner for how he gave me the diagnosis, and yes, at nice people in the world. Hey, it happens, but the thing is, THEY. DON’T. KNOW. OK? They just don’t know. I direct my anger all over the place because it’s SO BIG, SO HUGE that it needs to be directed a lot of different places, trust me. Otherwise it will stay inside me and fester and then God only knows how it will come out. Probably in some big ball of huge misdirection at one of The Nice People and then it would all be Very Bad. This way, though, it only gets directed those places here on the computer screen. What the heck????? It works for me.
And now, for the connection:
Adoptees and first moms. Some of them have a lot of legitimate anger, towards adoption agencies, the adoption system, adoptive parents/adopters, potential/prospective adoptive parents, social workers, and others in adoption.
So they write. They may read about and/or know adoptive parents/potential adoptive parents who have done/are doing/think things about adoption that make them curl their toes. So they vent. They say things about us adopters (and here I’ll just use the “all purpose” word “adopters” even though it’s a word I don’t particularly like but it’s easier than writing out all variations) in their anger.
Now, I would read those and I would be tempted — and sometimes I would — respond much like some of my commenters with a:
Now, now, we’re not all like that. Some of us are warm and fuzzy and have open minds and look at me and Dawn and Margie and we’re good. We’re OK. See? See how much we’re trying???? See how good we are??
Excuse me:
HEAD-SLAP!!
I was the NowNow person? I was the NowNow Girl? Oh, noooooooooo, say it ain’t so, just say it ain’t so!!!!!
Oh. My.
Yeah. Because I haven’t been in their shoes, I don’t know how big their anger is, I don’t know that they’re so angry that maybe they have to get on their blogs and just vent and vent and vent like these days sometimes I have to get on my blog and vent and vent and vent and IT’S NOT PERSONAL!!
Crap. Well, I sincerely hope I’ve learned my lesson. Everyone’s blog is for their own venting. As much as they want without some NowNow person coming and saying:
NowNow, that’s not niiiiiiiice.
Yeah, and you know what? That’s the whole point. Not nice is the whole point of blogs. That, particularly if you’re simply venting and not naming names (or naming names if you have to) and just going off (keeping it out of the personal, racial, religious, sexual orientation, etc.), WHAT’S THE HARM??? If someone really does say, “Adoptive parents are douchebags!” and they are simply venting, what’s the harm? I know that I’m not a douchebag. So really, what’s the harm? Obviously that person is venting; let him/her vent. OK, I’ll admit, I’d prefer it if they say “some adoptive parents are douchebags,” but that’s just me. 
And if I say, “I am having an uber cranky day and the next person who asks me how I’m doing is going to get punched,” what’s the harm? I’m not actually GOING to punch the next person who asks me how I’m doing. I mean, COME ON!! Let’s be realistic, folks!! Put down your phones and quit calling the police, the psychiatrist, and the anger management program!!
Because I’m fine, thanks for asking. **smile**
