I invite you to read yesterday’s post Coercion, not specifically for what I wrote, but more for the incredible writing in the comments section. It includes some very eloquent and articulate comments that could be posts in themselves. Thank you to those who responded to that post. I had planned to respond in kind, but I actually think that the comments speak for themselves. I really have nothing to add except a heartfelt thank you for the amazing discussion that followed my post.
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Now for something of a follow-up post:

I would never presume to speak for first mothers; they speak quite well for themselves — eloquently, passionately, articulately. I am speaking only as an observer, as someone who has been reading blogs for awhile and who has seen and read the reactions and words of others.

I’ve seen a variation of this theme several times: “you didn’t have a gun to your head and you’re the one who did relinquish; therefore the ultimate responsibility lies with you. How can you blame anyone else?” when first mothers talk about having been coerced to relinquish their children.

Maybe those who comment that way are people who have never been coerced to do something against their will or who don’t think that it’s possible to be coerced to do something against your will. Think about what they say, after all:

How could you give up your baby? No one held a gun to your head and forced you to sign TPR.
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Coercion. If you do a search on google or in a general search database like Academic Search Premier, the word coercion will show up most of all in regards to sex or criminal justice. Coercion is often used when talking about police officers obtaining confessions from suspects. In these cases, they’re talking about false confessions.

Maybe this is a stretch; I think not. Look at the forms of coercion used by police officers on suspects. I’ll let the first mothers, who have the best knowledge of the coercion used against them, re-frame these sentences — if they need to be — to best show how they may relate to coercion used against them. That is, if I’m not totally off base here:

*Feigned sympathy and friendship.
*Appeals to God and religion.
*Blaming the victim or an accomplice.
*Placing the suspect in a soundproof, starkly furnished room.
*Approaching the suspect too closely for comfort.
*Overstating or understating the seriousness of the offense and the magnitude of the charges.
*Presenting exaggerated claims about the evidence.
*Falsely claiming that another person has already confessed and implicated the suspect.
*Other forms of trickery and deception.
*Wearing a person down by a very long interview session. 1

It is important to note that these are not only confessions for minor crimes, but also confessions for rape or even murder, some that have landed the confessor on death row. These are some of the stories where someone else confesses years later or DNA evidence exonerates the defendant.

Why would someone confess to something so horrible because they were coerced? Wouldn’t they be able to be “strong enough” to hold fast to what the truth is and prevent themselves from going to prison?

If you even scan some of the articles about coercion used with suspects, you’ll find that many of the suspects that do end up giving false confessions are those that are vulnerable and then are beaten down by lack of sleep and being constantly badgered by the police. In the article that I linked, the authors state:

sometimes people confess because it seems like the only way out of a terrible situation.

Well, this one isn’t that difficult to re-frame: sometimes women relinquish because it seems like the only way out of a difficult situation. I’ll rely on first moms to correct me if I stick my foot in it or get something wrong here.

And here’s a question for these suspects, then:

How could you confess? No one held a gun to your head and forced you to.

In some cases with their very lives on the line, people are coerced into confessing to crimes they didn’t commit.
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It. Happens. Coercion happens. In a criminal situation. In a crisis pregnancy. To normal, everyday people who find themselves in a crisis situation, who find themselves in a vulnerable place without support, given advice over and over again that they are forced to listen to, who only want to do what’s “best” for their child, who make a decision when they are, to put it mildly, not at their best.

Just like those false confessors.

Some of those false confessors lose years of their lives to the prison system.

These women lose the ability to raise their own children.

Both are losses that can’t be replaced, that they can’t “get back.”

So, before anyone wants to say “How could you?” another time, how about saying instead, “I’m sorry that nobody was there for you to be strong for you when you weren’t able to be. I’m sorry nobody advocated for you.”

I’m just sorry.

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