Just say that in Ben Stein’s voice, wouldja?

Thanks; you’ve got the idea.

I finally have a worthwhile search that brought someone to my blog: peeing my pants.

I think that deserves a round of applause.

crapping my pants will get me a standing ovation.

Let’s see — what other gems have brought people to this veritable masterpiece of the English language for the past several months since I’ve brought my words of wisdom to the masses (OK, the handful) of citizens across the world (or down the street):

~ snarky librarian — well, duh! Yep, that’s me!

~ mid barney “i love you” — what?! huh? I don’t think so. That makes my ears bleed.

life on the moon with happy socks — What a minute? Life on the moon? With happy socks? I can barely breathe. Wow. I think I could just die happy if that would happen right now. I have the happy socks, but how do I get the happy socks and life on the moon at the same time? If anyone knows, please leave a comment on my blog, I’m begging you.

~ photos of real life bored moms — HAHAHAHA!! Bored? Moi? No, I don’t think so. In fact, I could use a bit of boredom in my life, thank you very much.

~ stories of the moon to explain things — oh yes. We like the moon here.

~ Jake Gyllenhaal underwear — I don’t think I said anything about Jake Gyllenhaal in his underwear in this post, but I like the image it conjures.

~ parenting isn’t for sissies — You said it!, whoever you are!

~ hot mom son stories — OH, I don’t think so! Get away from my blog!!!

~ hard whipped mom — Hard. Whipped. Mom.?? WHAT?!! Just what does THAT mean??!! Or do I even want to know?? Ummmmm . . . .

~ DELETE BLOG — HEY! Way to be subtle, JERK!! You delete yours!

And about a bazillion searches for:

~ 80’s glasses or some variation thereof — WHYYYYY??!!!!!!!! Oh, dear God, I’m going to have to delete that godforsaken post someday. I’m probably already all over the blasted internet looking like THAT as a Glamour Don’t, as Stacy and Clinton’s worst nightmare!
Oh, well this is great. Just yesterday the variation of that search was:
glasses for big face people. So that’s what I am now. One of the Big Face People. Is that going to become something I have to check off on forms now? Here we go: 45-49, check; Caucasian, check; Big-Face-People, check. *sigh*, it’s so discriminatory.

Frank, I’m heading off to my BFP Support Group now.

“Your what?”

YOU KNOW!! My Big Face People Support Group. Do you HAVE to make me yell it every time. Don’t you think I’m embarrassed enough as it is!

“Oh, Judy, you don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s not like it’s something you can control. It’s like diabetes or urinary incontinence. It’s a condition. Everybody has something.”

I know, but I hate it! People keep staring at me!

________________________________________

Heh. I’ll stop while I’m behind. But I just want you to know that if you’re one of the Big Face People, I understand.

But don’t bother me. I have to go change my pants now. I just peed them again.

Your response: